Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
