Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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