Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
