I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
