There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You made out with two different species that night
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
