Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
