respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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