He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
