It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
