There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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