The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
