She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
