I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
