you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
