you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
