You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
