seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize