He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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