i need an iv and a liver transplant
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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