the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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