dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
