great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
