I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
