Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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