you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize