he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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