3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
