there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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