A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
