So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Houston, we have a blender
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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