so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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