Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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