ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
