he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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