Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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