don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
