Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
