it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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