How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
