You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
