The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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