Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
