I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
