Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
