Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Success! We fucked roommates!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
