All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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