so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
two words...techno handjob
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
