Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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