i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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