I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize