____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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