That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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