New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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