No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
