We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Omg I joined a choir last night...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
