the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
