I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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