They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
