the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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