drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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