the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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