How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize