Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
