Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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