I just threw up on my dentist
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
