He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
